Ingredients

The following ingredients have 7 Servings
  • 5 large cloves garlic
  • roughly chopped
  • 2 cups mayonnaise (480 ml)
  • 2 tablespoons capers
  • drained in brine
  • 1 ½ tablespoons caper brine
  • Juice of 1 medium lemon (2 to 3 tablespoons)
  • 1 cup parsley (32 g)
  • loosely packed
  • roughly chopped
  • tough stems removed
  • 1 cup dill (24 g)
  • loosely packed
  • roughly chopped
  • tough stems removed
  • Freshly ground pepper
  • 2 cups all-purpose flour (250 g)
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • ½ heaping teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
  • Tapatio or another red hot sauce
  • 2 ½ cups cold seltzer or sparkling water (600 ml)
  • 2 quarts vegetable oil (2L)
  • 3 large purple onions

Instruction

  • For the Special Sauce, combine the garlic, mayonnaise, capers, brine and lemon juice in a blender or food processor
  • Zap to roughly blend
  • Add the herbs to the bowl with the rest of the ingredients
  • Zap for a second or two
  • Now add ludicrous amounts of black pepper and zap it all until it's all totally smooth and creamy, pausing occasionally to wipe down the sides of the bowl with a spatula so that you get it all in there
  • The end result should be somewhere between a dressing and a dip
  • Taste for salt, adding more capers or caper brine if needed, or pepper or lemon juice, etc
  • (Sauce will keep in the refrigerator for 4 to 5 days
  • ) For the Purple Onion Rings, whisk together the flour, salt and black pepper in a large bowl
  • Like the Special Sauce, this also has to be mad peppery
  • I just grind until the top looks like black snow
  • Now hit it with about 3 tablespoons of hot sauce, then whisk in that seltzer
  • (You don't want to add flat water, because the bubbles make the batter airier and crispier
  • ) Whisk until you have no lumps and it looks like a pancake-ish batter — when you move the whisk through the batter, you should see ribbons
  • Whisk in a little more hot sauce until the batter is a nice light pink, like the color of Russian dressing
  • You won't taste the heat so much, but the rings will fry up a nice golden brown
  • Put the batter in the refrigerator for 15 minutes to let it settle a little bit, then line a baking sheet or a plate with paper towels
  • Fill a Dutch oven or stockpot with the oil just a little more than halfway up the sides of the pot
  • Heat the oil over high heat until the oil begins to shimmer
  • It should be around 400 °F (205 °C) if you have a thermometer, but otherwise you can tell when it is ready because of the shimmer
  • While the oil heats, cut the onions into ½-inch (12–mm) thick slices, making sure to separate the rings
  • It's better to make them a little bigger than a little smaller
  • When the oil is hot, dip a few of the rings in the batter with tongs, flipping them once or twice so that they're fully covered
  • Shake off the excess and then add them to the hot oil just 2 to 3 at a time so they have lots of room to swim
  • Flip them with a clean fork when they just begin to turn brown — this should only take a minute or two
  • Let them cook for another minute or two, until the other side is golden brown, then remove to the paper towels
  • Repeat, adjusting the heat of your oil as necessary
  • Don't let it get too hot or too cool
  • But since you're only making a few at a time, you're good either way
  • Serve these piled high with a side of Special Sauce
  • Obviously, the cook should keep the Special Sauce nearby the stove and just eat these as they're ready
  • From Action Bronson's book, F*** That's Delicious